When taps land you in hot water

<div class="section0"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-size:="">"Why they are making all this fuss over Anil-bhai''s latest allegations? If dirty linen is being washed, you have to have a tap, no?" This is the funda of the Mumbaikar on Ambani Junior''s allegation that his phone has been tapped by "unscrupulous individuals working for Reliance Infocomm".The accused party has, of course, rubbished the complaint. Whatever the facts, electronic eavesdropping is a serious accusation, and if it is at all possible with this phone system, the charges should be reversed, asap.</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Three categories are the most susceptible to the e-call-i bug. Politicians, across party-lines, have demanded Z security for their threatened phone privacy. Business persons need to safeguard their confidential conversations against both industrial espionage and that Bengali scourge, ''key-holo'' journalism. Thirdly, those who live in the aquarium tank of celebrity are live bait for all things fishy.</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Anil Ambani, MP, Corporate Commando and Beaujolais Brigand pays the price thrice over for his triple whammy of fame. If his phone is tapped, it becomes the headline of three pages. This is also why he can dash off a letter of protest to the Home Minister, instead of merely sprinting up to Kokilaben.</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Considering that the Ambanis are invited to US Presidential inaugurations, and have played host at Sea Wind when these worthies breeze into Mumbai, you might be right in assuming that the issue of the Anil phone-tap has the potential of becoming the most notorious pipe-leak since Watergate. But, as I pointed out right at the start, the street-smart Mumbaikar is seeing all this less as a matter for the local plumber, and more as the concern of the local laundry.</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">People are saying, "Boley toh, all the essential services we need are provided by Reliance only. They are giving us gas and gasoline, power and BPO, mobiles and media, maybe not roti and makaan yet, but the first thing they supplied to us was kapda. So why they should be left out of something as important as sanitary fixtures. That''s why they have diversified into telephone taps, no?"</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Being Reliance, these fittings are state of the art. The Ambani telephone tap can unleash a jet which gets you into hot water, and can simultaneously throw cold water on hegemonistic ambitions. These telephone taps are fitted with high-tech washers, but even the most sophisticated gizmo can pack up, and start leaking all over the place — especially in media which prefers to shower with the aggrieved party. Indeed, media itself has behaved like a faulty faucet while commenting on the Ambani feud. One section gushes over Mukesh''s position, the other splutters over the way he''s trying to wash his hands off Anil''s rights. A clear stream of reliable information is impossible to get.</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Telephone taps need not remain in a limited loop, and can be extended to a full-scale laundry service. When a telephone tap comes into the picture, a major ironing-out job becomes necessary.</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Both parties have to press their suit. Sometimes, of course, matters are beyond the ambit of damage control. This occurs when one party — acting on the TINA principle — is determined to take the other to the cleaners.</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">*****</span><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Alec Smart said, "Will a trans-Kashmiri kiss now be called a buss?"</span><br /><br /><span style="" font-size:="">Erratica and Juggling Act, compilations of best of Erratica and Jugular Vein, now available at leading bookstores. Or log on to www.books.indiatimes.com.</span><br /><br /><br /></div> </div>